Minesweeper and the degradation of quality free time activities

I used to spend my free time doing creative things like writing....drawing.....making goofy songs about Clayton trying to sell nick knife sets....now I listen to the radio and play fucking bejeweled....either that or try to talk Laura into sex....none of which is getting me anywhere.....except the sex....that's good times.....

I just miss the days when I had the drive to create something. We used to attempt to make movies....I used to attempt to write stories and screenplays and anything else that popped into my head....

I don't have that drive any more. I've become a guy that sits at his desk, looking out the window and waiting for 6:00 to roll around so I can go eat/buy toilet paper/whack off/whatever uninteresting thing I have on my agenda for that day. It's sad. My creative mind has been pummeled into mush by the typical day of sitting in this fucking chair with nothing but Howard stern and cell phone games.

I'm not saying that I had brilliant ideas....
I'm not saying I was talented at my work when it came to writing or art....
I'm just saying I had a DESIRE to MAKE those things....good or bad....and that desire is GONE. My life seems so unimportant without artistic expression. Before, it almost seemed like if I died, someone would find my notebooks of half finished stories and say "damn, mike should've finished this."

Right now, it seems like the only 2 questions that would be asked are

1. Who gets my computer?
And 2. Who would cover my work hours the rest of the week?

It makes me sick to know that I know the names of Eric Harris and Dylan klebold, but none of the names of the 13 people they killed. Same goes for that little fucking douchebag at Virginia tech that killed 32 people, cho chun chi lee yu wing pak or whatever the fuck his name was. We had 3 solid weeks of hearing all about his life on every news station there is. Ultimately, it all boils down to your impact on the lives of the people around you. The more of an impact you have, the more of a difference you've made in the world....which lasts as your legacy.

As I've been sitting here bummed out that my creative days are long gone....I've wondered how I can have a lasting legacy on the world. I don't want to hurt anyone....I don't want to be a celebrity....but I do have a message that the world should hear....and I believe if this blog were broadcast on television in between news of whoever obama's shaking hands with and whatever idiot killed their baby or crashed their car....if we put this up on Karen foss' TelePrompTer, I could better the lives of EVERYONE WHO HEARS IT.....

My message is simple: if you have a choice at the bank of getting behind a car or getting behind a minivan, ALWAYS....and I DO MEAN ALWAYS....get behind the car. 999 times out of 1000, it will be faster.

I hope you can get my message out to as many people as possible. The guy that shot all the women at that gym's blogs weren't even close to as helpful as that. I'm adding minutes to your life....and what'd he do? Whine that he hadn't gotten laid since 1990? I'm the ugliest dude I know (well....2nd ugliest. There's a guy I know in Springfield much uglier) and there's always SOMEONE that'll throw you a pity fuck. There's some desperate fat chicks that'll do all kinds of crazy stuff....a 19 year drought sounds like someone is a little too picky. Not everyone can fuck Heidi klumm.....only really sexy guys like seal can hook up with hotties like that.

Back to bejeweled.....maybe I'll do a podcast tonight. Maybe I'll eat edy's ice cream and watch the oxygen network....I guess the future is looking brighter every moment.

Tantric and exits

How many band members are allowed to leave a band before they're not really that band any more? More importantly: can a band like queen really go out on tour and pretend to be queen when their singer (and only actual queen) has died? Who wants to see Paul Rodgers do queen karaoke for 2 hours? Who wants to see a little Korean kid sing journey songs?

The funny thing about journey is, they're HEADLINING tours with the likes of heart, cheap trick, foreigner....WITH SOME GUY THEY FOUND ON FUCKING YOUTUBE. SO THE ORIGINAL LINEUP OF HEART GOES OUT AND PLAYS THEIR HITS....then a 20-something year old kid goes up there and pretends to be steve Perry....it's like some kind of joke.

I don't think any of the guys in lynyrd skynyrd are original members....wait....looked it up....I'm wrong....rhythm guitar player and keyboardist are the same.....still not lynyrd skynyrd......lynyrd skynyrd died in a fucking plane crash.

It's weird though...cause some of them I give a pass to. Alice in chains is touring and recording a new album without layne....Jerry cantrell was the primary song writer and did half the singing....so I would say Alice in chains is still aloud to be Alice in chains.

TANTRIC on the other hand, was formed from the 3 guys in days of the new that Travis meeks fired.....so TANTRIC was 3/4 more days of the new than days of the new was.....so THEY get a new singer....some dude named Hugo that does a decent Travis meeks impression....and start a new band called tantric. They put out 2 albums....then the 3 founding members quit and HUGO, by himself.....RELEASES 2 ALBUMS IN '08 and '09 AS TANTRIC. that's false advertising. Now not only is days of the new not days of the new....but tantric isn't tantric either.

It really seems to be on a case by case basis for me. Although it has always been said Billy corgan played everything but drums, wrote everything and had primary control over the entire creative process in making a pumpkins record.....the zwan album, his solo album and the pumpkins album he made with just Jimmy was not nearly as brilliant as the stuff he made with the whole band in the room.....not to mention, one of the few songs co-written by James iha was "mayonnaise," which is probably their greatest song to date....is the smashing pumpkins the smashing pumpkins with their singer/writer/lead guitarist and some no name band including a 19 year old drummer? That kid wasn't even born when Gish came out.

Van halen got Sammy Hagar. Ac/dc got Brian Johnson. Can you just put a different guy up on stage and still claim to be the band that created these great songs? Or are we watching tribute bands?

I think it all boils down to making great music AFTER the switch that doesn't betray your band's legacy or distinct sound....proving you can go on without the former members....something journey has not done.....something lynyrd skynyrd has not done.....but something that bands like metallica (who took shit in a different direction with the addition of jason newstead and made some incredible music) and ac/dc, who wasted NO TIME putting out back in black, which is arguably their best album....after the death of their original singer.

Bands have their own sound. You can tell the difference between over-processed studio magic and the real deal. There's nothing buckethead can noodle on that god damn Chinese democracy that will move me the way slash did when he walked out of that big church, made it a small church, created a wind storm and played the fuck out of the 2 solos in November rain. That's not to say buckethead isn't a great guitar player.....I've seen him live....the guy's incredible....but he's not what I'm looking for when I want to hear guns n roses. Neither is Axel at this point. That doesn't make Chinese democracy bad.....it just makes it not guns n roses. It makes it a bad guns n roses impersonation. It makes it what shinedown is to soundgarden. It makes it what buckcherry is to the counting crows. It makes it what the silversun pickups are to the smashing pumpkins....and that is: tribute bands that play originals. You kind of sound like fun and your songs are catchy to a
point...I'll be distracted and entertained for an hour...but you ain't writing no classics. Music is forgettable now. No one has any original thoughts. No one has any staying power.

It's like I'm imagining a man with a saxaphone on a street corner....a man that used to play because he loved to play....but now he just plays the songs he knows over and over....and he's not playing because he loves to play....he's playing cause if you hear that familiar tune, you'll throw money in his case. Money's not in searching through the woods.....money is in taking the same path everyone else has already paved for you. Sadly, the finished product is less than satisfying.

...fuck you, Hugo. You fooled me into buying into tantric when I was hoping for some Days of the new run off....but I didn't sign up for your bullshit.

chaz and neo penises

cher's daughter, chastity recently announced that she would be doing some wacked out chopping on her giner to somewhow form what appears to be a dick.

i'm all about people being free to do whatever they want with their own bodies as long as they're not harming anyone else....but this is the part that i don't get....chastity bono is a lesbian. she's in a committed relationship with another lesbian. if she creates a magical weiner (i think the technical term is neo-penis....but "magical weiner" sounds much better to me) but yeah......if she now has a penis and wants to be referred to as "chaz," wouldn't that mean her lesbian lover was not really a lesbian? a lesbian who wants her GIRLFRIEND to grow a DICK is not a REAL LESBIAN. if i ever say to laura "man, you'd be so much hotter if you had a big cock," i would, in fact, be a gay guy. not to say there's anything wrong with being a straight chick......i've always had a rather warm place in my heart for girls that enjoy peni in or on them....but it's odd to me that a LESBIAN would want her LESBIAN LOVER to have a donger. apologies.......a neo-donger.

are people who get sex changes legally eligible for the whole marriage thing? are SEX CHANGES actually recognized as a real thing? cause.....dude......i've seen some wacky shit being a howard stern fan for 10 years....and the sex changes i've seen were not very convincing. cut off your schlong........sorry. still a dude.

the chick in "just one of the guys" didn't look like a dude.....

rupaul doesn't look like a chick.......

chyna doesn't look like a chick.......

sex changes don't get the job done. you're still what you were......you just mutilated your junk. dummy.

BLACK PODCAST AND DEBALLING CHRIS CORNELL

http://mikesfuckshitandkillshitpodcast.podbean.com/

NOW UP: THE BLACK-CAST. ENJOY.

podcast for 7-29-09 and grande meaning large

35 minutes of music and me talking about the music/saying "ummm" alot. i will be doing this occasionally because i kind of had fun putting it together. i'd give you the tracklisting but that'd take away the surprise.

it's not all new music......it's not all old music. it's stuff that i was in the mood to listen to and felt like sharing. we won't say weekly........we'll say SOMETIMES. i hope you enjoy it.

http://mikesfuckshitandkillshitpodcast.podbean.com/

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thinking too much and getting your mouth raped

A friend of mine began my day with a question that I have been pondering for the last few hours. If given a choice, would I prefer an ass raping to a mouth raping.....

Now of course, as I'm sure everyone is thinking....how much time would the rapist give me to decide? Seconds? Who can make a decision like that on the spot? It's a good thing this came up.....this way I'll be prepared if the day ever comes.....let's weigh the pros and cons...

My first issue: if someone is RAPING YOUR MOUTH, what do you do? Do you just open your mouth? Do you suck? Do you use your tongue or just try to keep it out of the way? I've never sucked a dick....but someone who has, would they incorporate any of their skills or just lay there and cry?

My 2nd issue: the duck sounds....I mean....if someone is forcing their wang down your throat....you're gonna make the noise. That could be more embarassing than the rape itself.

On the other hand, you're not going to RUIN my mouth. I eat hardees cheeseburgers....I can handle a cock. If you put a decent sized cock in my tight, virgin asshole....that shit may never be the same....especially if you're rough about it....

...but you're swallowing the load, dude.....or at least spitting it out....there's no pulling out and c'ing on your t's....I really don't want to have any knowledge of the taste of spunk.

I don't know....doesn't it just seem like getting raped in the butt is just where a rape should be? Call me old fashioned....

You girls have it so easy that you don't have to worry about stuff like this.

meaty cheesy boys and the blue mnm

The food trend thing all started with the blue m n m. It's all changed
since they got rid of the light brown one and replaced it with
blue.....since then, we've had 100 flavors of coke (lemon coke....lime
coke.....vanilla coke.....coke 1..coke zero) they ruined
slice.....they changed what the lifesavers' 5 flavors are (they're
awful now)

I understand having specials to get people excited....limited time
items and whatnot....but you GOTTA stick with old faithful. Every time
we go to sonic, they put the chicken sandwich Laura gets on a
different bun. It's never the same....sometimes it's chiabata (a new
fad) sometimes it's sesame seeds....sometimes it's a wheat looking
kind of bun.....darker colored....but the point is, food is
inconsistant. I don't care about the hormones or the grease.....I just
want the next one I order to taste and look like the last one I
ordered. I don't want a fucking sirloin burger or whatever trend we're
following now....chipotle.....that shit with the BBQ sauce and the
onion rings..the word "tuscan" in everything......and who could forget the blue rasberry craze of the late 90's?......I don't want that. I want a god damn ultimate
cheeseburger with no ketchup.....WHICH USED TO BE NO KETCHUP TO BEGIN
WITH.....that's what the god damn meaty cheesy boys advertised....meat
cheese meat cheese and that's it. Fucking fuckers. There was no
KETCHUP in that song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuHkxNZaTt4

....but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO....all the OTHER burgers have ketchup.....so we
gotta follow suit. Everyone ELSE is doing fucking CHIPOTLE, even
though no one even knows what the fuck it IS.....WE GOTTA PUT CHIPOTLE
ON EVERYTHING NOW TOO! IT TOOK PONDEROSA 50 FUCKING YEARS TO FIGURE
OUT THAT THEIR PRICE STRUCTURE WAS STUPID AND THAT CHARGING 7.00 FOR A
BUFFET AND 7.50 FOR A STEAK WITH A FREE BUFFET WAS A STUPID WAY TO GO!
IT'S STEAK, IDIOT! NOT AN EXTRA SIDE OF RANCH!

IF PONDEROSA STARTS SELLING CHIPOTLE STEAK, I will find them and I
will hurt them.

Let me reinforce my position here: put whatever you want in my fast
food....squirrel shit....grinded up old people....I don't care....but
once you have your product, FUCKING STICK TO IT. be CONSISTANT! don't
go Axel god damn rose on us and CALL yourself guns n roses when you've
added fucking ANTIOXIDANTS and gotten rid of SLASH....who walks out of
big churches that then become small....

What is an antioxidant? and when did green become sour apple and not lime? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? WAS I ASLEEP?

Ps.....SOMEBODY FIND ME THE NAME OF WHOEVER APPROVED THE IDEA TO MAKE
STRAWBERRY PEANUT BUTTER MNM's....so I can KICK THEM IN THE TESTICLES
or ovaries.....