I just miss the days when I had the drive to create something. We used to attempt to make movies....I used to attempt to write stories and screenplays and anything else that popped into my head....
I don't have that drive any more. I've become a guy that sits at his desk, looking out the window and waiting for 6:00 to roll around so I can go eat/buy toilet paper/whack off/whatever uninteresting thing I have on my agenda for that day. It's sad. My creative mind has been pummeled into mush by the typical day of sitting in this fucking chair with nothing but Howard stern and cell phone games.
I'm not saying that I had brilliant ideas....
I'm not saying I was talented at my work when it came to writing or art....
I'm just saying I had a DESIRE to MAKE those things....good or bad....and that desire is GONE. My life seems so unimportant without artistic expression. Before, it almost seemed like if I died, someone would find my notebooks of half finished stories and say "damn, mike should've finished this."
Right now, it seems like the only 2 questions that would be asked are
1. Who gets my computer?
And 2. Who would cover my work hours the rest of the week?
It makes me sick to know that I know the names of Eric Harris and Dylan klebold, but none of the names of the 13 people they killed. Same goes for that little fucking douchebag at Virginia tech that killed 32 people, cho chun chi lee yu wing pak or whatever the fuck his name was. We had 3 solid weeks of hearing all about his life on every news station there is. Ultimately, it all boils down to your impact on the lives of the people around you. The more of an impact you have, the more of a difference you've made in the world....which lasts as your legacy.
As I've been sitting here bummed out that my creative days are long gone....I've wondered how I can have a lasting legacy on the world. I don't want to hurt anyone....I don't want to be a celebrity....but I do have a message that the world should hear....and I believe if this blog were broadcast on television in between news of whoever obama's shaking hands with and whatever idiot killed their baby or crashed their car....if we put this up on Karen foss' TelePrompTer, I could better the lives of EVERYONE WHO HEARS IT.....
My message is simple: if you have a choice at the bank of getting behind a car or getting behind a minivan, ALWAYS....and I DO MEAN ALWAYS....get behind the car. 999 times out of 1000, it will be faster.
I hope you can get my message out to as many people as possible. The guy that shot all the women at that gym's blogs weren't even close to as helpful as that. I'm adding minutes to your life....and what'd he do? Whine that he hadn't gotten laid since 1990? I'm the ugliest dude I know (well....2nd ugliest. There's a guy I know in Springfield much uglier) and there's always SOMEONE that'll throw you a pity fuck. There's some desperate fat chicks that'll do all kinds of crazy stuff....a 19 year drought sounds like someone is a little too picky. Not everyone can fuck Heidi klumm.....only really sexy guys like seal can hook up with hotties like that.
Back to bejeweled.....maybe I'll do a podcast tonight. Maybe I'll eat edy's ice cream and watch the oxygen network....I guess the future is looking brighter every moment.
