my niece hates my guts.
any time i walk into the room, she immediately starts crying. there has been over a year of testing and the results are in. she fucking hates me.
i know it’s probably just some kind of vibe i give off….or maybe i’m not holding her right……..or maybe there’s no reason. maybe she’s just a baby. i have a theory though that i want to run by you guys and see what you think though………
i think it’s disney’s fault.
and yes……..she’s 1. she hasn’t seen a ton of disney movies……but animals adapt over time to survive……birds’ beaks change shape……we grow extra fingers to help grip our food…….fur may change colors to better disguise themselves from potential predators……..and disney movies have taught us not to trust people with facial hair.
look at the evidence………
aladdin’s clean shaven……
bad guy has a fucking beard……
captain hook with the stache……
ratigan had some kind of 5:00 shadow thing going on……
they even made it kind of obvious with uncle scar from the lion king…….kinda making his chin hair considerably longer than all the lions as if to say “his maintenance of his chin hair is the first sign that he’s evil……
you see evidence of this psychological change everywhere whether you’re aware of it or not…….look at the characters used as the bad guys in the mega-hit “hunger games” movie that came out earlier this year…….look how they convey the characters’ evilness without words……
we don’t even know it’s happening……but it’s happening. our babies are being born with prejudice towards facial hair because all of our villains have it.
little harley’s dad and grandpa both shave regularly. the only person she sees regularly with the devil’s bush is me…….and i make her cry. this is how it starts. and pretty soon they’ll be hunting us down and burning us for crimes we look like we might commit. prepare yourselves for a fight, fellow non-shavers. it’s coming.
