TRAYVON, FLAVORED JIZZ AND DR. THUNDER

When I come up with something that I consider to be a great blog or podcast idea, I usually run it by my friends at the bar just to see how it plays. They're my test audience. I work out the kinks in my presentation and then come home and furiously type it into my iPhone or yell it into a microphone. Last night, I was convinced I had a real gem. We take a team of scientists away from their never ending research on achieving/improving/prolonging erections and focus them on creating a supplement or pill or injection that makes semen amazingly delicious. We create a multitude of flavors ranging from cake icing to Cinnabon to piña colada in hopes of creating a market for men who want their ladies to blow them on a more regular basis and NOT ONLY GET BLOW JOBS, BUT GET YOUR GAL TO SWALLOW YOUR BATCH! I went through the entire pitch....I told my friend Nappier all of the positives of this product....I probably talked for a good 5-17 minutes and he listened attentively. Finally, he chimed in and told me that everything I had just said was stolen from the comedian Ron White.  I was heart broken. Not only was my idea already thought of....but was it even really my idea? I have cable. I've seen plenty of Ron White's comedy. Did I see the act in question? Did his act hide away in my subconscious and then wander back years and years later in a different voice.....my voice? Are any of my thoughts original or is it all just derivatives of things I've experienced through music/readings/teachings? And are our opinions based on other peoples' opinions? We know the news because someone interprets it to us....but is there anyway to avoid your thoughts or decisions being tainted/skewed by someone else?   I remember when first hearing news about Trayvon Martin, I was heavily in favor of justice being served and George Zimmerman being put on trial.   I saw the pictures of a tween little smiling light skinned black boy....I heard the president say if he had a son, he'd look like Trayvon....I said "How could they not arrest that guy for shooting this little boy?" I said all of this and thought all this because that's the way the story was presented. As  time went on, more facts were revealed that put the kid in a little less favorable light. At that point, I realized both that my opinion may have been wrong....and what the fuck am I doing with an opinion of a murder investigation in Florida anyway? There's no way that I can form a proper conclusion without being presented all the facts....and there's no way I have the attention span to read through all of them. So my opinion is 100% based on what I was told and what other people's uninformed bullshit opinions are. I listen. I follow. I'm a lemming. I say "that's what she said" and "everything the light touches is our kingdom." I'm a product.....not a person. I'm the vess version of dr. Pepper. I'm Dr. Thunder. Fuck me.

UNMADE BEDS AND THE JOURNEY OF THE DECK PEAS

Two nights ago at around 2:00 am, I was woken up by my fiancé yelling my name from the living room. I jumped out of bed and quickly thumped down the hall to see what was going on. She claimed that it sounded like someone had just slapped the glass door (probably about 10 feet from where she was sitting) in an attempt to break into our home. My first thought was that maybe a bird had hit the glass in an errant attempt at flying at night...but when we raised the shade, we saw a large can of peas rolling around on the deck outside. Why would someone throw a can of peas at someone's house? Is there a lesson to be learned? Was it their idea to use the peas to break glass? Why not a rock? It certainly wasn't a spur of the moment decision. Beer can, sure....on your way home....got a beer....don't want it or you're finished with it, you chuck it. Any reasonable person could understand that.....but peas? Nobody's walking around with peas. What kids/teenagers would even think to BUY peas? All of these questions swirled through my head as we waited for the police. An officer came and basically confirmed what I already knew....that yep, it was peas....and nope. Nothing was broke. We judged the distance and determined unless it was someone with a very strong arm, it was more than likely someone in our back yard or on our deck. He vowed to drive around the neighborhood to see if anyone was outside walking around....but I doubt he found anything. I just wish the person responsible had left a note as to his/her motives....and if the contents of the can had any relevance to the message....and if it was specific to us or if they just wanted SOMEONE to get woken up....these questions bother me and I fear I'll never know the answer to them.  Life is random. Nothing is explained. Nothing is wrapped up and the ends are always loose.  Life is an unmade bed. Even if you make it look great and arrange all of your decorative pillows, you're still going to have to get in it that night and fuck it all back up. I guess it all depends on if having it nice and neat for a short time is worth the effort knowing that the only way to keep it perfect is to never use it.  Kind of like the peas...not really sure how it ties into the peas. But it does. I think.