who uses his to glide when jumping off tall buildings and
shit…no cape really serves a practical purpose. Neither do ties,
come to think of it. What does a tie do? It gets caught in
machinery….it makes your neckline tighter and less
comfortable….but what is the positives of the tie? At some point,
someone started wearing a tie….everyone thought he was an idiot
until people started copying the style….it became a trend and now
for hundreds of years we walk around with colorful strips of silk
tied around our fucking neck. It really leads me to believe that
the right person can change the world’s thinking over time if they
do something radical enough to get noticed….cause people are
sheep. They see superman in a cape and think: “my fucking hero
needs a cape.” before long, the villains are wearing
capes….everyone’s got one….and no one stops to ask: what is the
practical purpose of this cape? My best example: Mr. Sinister.
His cape doesn’t blow in the wind. His cape doesn’t help him glide. Mr. Sinister
can’t even fly. You want to know the sad part? Mr. Sinister doesn’t
even have an alter ego. Superman puts on a suit and tie and acts
like Clark Kent some time. Batman probably wears silk pajamas at
night when he’s getting ready to bang Vicky Vale. Sinister wakes up
every morning and has to put on that elaborate, skin tight, blue
body suit with the spidery cape….I guess just to be scary
looking. Think there’s mornings he wakes up and questions his life
decisions? Maybe he shoulda been Mr. Snuggy. No one is that
committed to a persona that there aren’t sweat pants days. How
would you even poop with a cape on? Do you flip it up over your
head? I generally take my shirt off in fear it’ll drop into the
danger zone. At the very LEAST it would drag on the floor of the
bathroom stall, which in public places could be much more
disgusting than some of the places you chase the penguin around
Gotham. Does he clean his bat suit? What do you clean it with? You
should smell my hockey stuff. It smells terrible….and I haven’t
fought a single villain in it. Simply sweat. Can you imagine all
the toxins the joker and poison ivy have thrown on that
thing….the smell that would create…. But ties. Honestly, what
purpose do they serve?
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