ARCHIVE: chef boyardee and the 48 hour policy

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

recently i was asked by one of you silly females if it's normal that her boyfriend humps her all the time.....not even sexually.....but he grabs her by the hips and just dry humps her when she turns her back to him or something like that. i explained to her that the problem would be solved if every now and then she threw him a mercy handy. she thought i was joking. LET ME EXPLAIN: we make goo. our goo is meant to be distributed. if you fill the factory up with goo and the UPS guy never shows up........the guys in the factory get a. pissed off that they're working for nothing b. full of goo. where's it gonna go? c. they become salesmen.....and you don't WANT these factory guys trying to SELL the goo........you want them doing what they're good at........making goo. .....so if you got these guys getting pissed, that means drastic stuff is going to happen. the goo needs to be distributed. they take PRIDE in their goo and it needs to go somewhere every 48 hours or so to see the world. they don't know where it goes.......they just know that door opens and it's going somewhere and making someone happy and that is GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM. you keep the goo there collecting dust, they start pulling wires and banging against the walls....calling old friends to see if they want some almost expired goo......that's when we start saying shit that doesn't make sense, drive at excessive speeds, pick fights with people and grab you from behind and hump you like a crazy person....it's all relative. we're goo distributers. all of us. imagine if chef boyardee cooked up all of that ravioli and no one ever ate it. imagine if chef boyardee was just sitting around looking at all the cans with his fat fucking face on it... .....be happy he's dry humping you and not STABBING YOU! MERCY HANDIES IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT! DO IT FOR ALL OF US! I HAVEN'T LET A BATCH GO BAD SINCE 1995! MY BOYS WORK HARD AND I TREAT THEIR PRODUCT WITH RESPECT! if i started letting them get overstocked, i fear all of your safety. trust me, if nappier lost both of his hands, he wouldn't be able to crank any more out manually.......but i bet you he'd still find a way to pull the trigger on a few of those guns he has downstairs. the dude needs to distribute some goo. JUST REMEMBER: EVERY 48 HOURS. FOR ALL OF OUR SAKE.