ARCHIVE: punch you in the face postage and the degradation of human interaction

Monday, November 20, 2006

so yesterday at work we were mailing out certified letters.........it's a big long process in which you have to have the mailman GIVE YOU A RECIEPT with the same serial number as the letter.........the letter goes to it's recipient.......the recipient must then sign for it........and the CARD THEY SIGNED GETS MAILED BACK TO YOU. so as i sat there i was discussing things with the mailman, i had an idea that i then shared with the humorless fellow stamping the certified letters....punch you in the face postage. see....here's the thing....with the many options for contact.......it's been more and more difficult to put yourself in a position to be able to punch someone in the face. email, phone calls, text messaging, paging, instant messaging......all take the human interaction thing to levels in which you don't HAVE TO ever talk to someone in person to know them or consider them a friend. my t-shirt site now has 1730 friends........1675 of them are people i've never even talked to before. no one even bothers with introductions.......it's a simple click away to becoming someone's "friend." so in the spirit of this newfound freedom to maintain relationships without interacting personally with anyone.......i have created punch you in the face postage. the basic concept is that you send a letter......with that letter the postman will knock on the door, have the recipent sign the card.....and then the postman will PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE. at which point he will deliver a short message you supply him with. it's perfect. bill collectors will take advantage of the service because once it is used one time, no one will want to be punched in the face again and will pay on time. ex-girlfriends and ex-employees would also love to utilize this service. it's a fucking gold-mine. so mail guy was telling me it'd be a liability thing and SURELY there would be lawsuits........which i told him the WAIVER would be in the CARD THEY SIGN at the time of recieving their punch you in the face-ogram. he argued more in which i told him it was just a joke and OBVIOUSLY i wasn't expecting the united postal service to adopt my plan. some people have no sense of humor.